Colin Gawel’s 1st Essay About Politics!!

With the midterm election looming and 30% of our country getting ready to vote, I thought that now would be the perfect time to write my first ever essay about politics. This is obviously a terrible decision and one I will regret the minute this gets posted and my e-mail blows up with hateful messages, but right now its 3:30 am, I can't sleep and there is one beer left in the fridge so here goes nothing.

"You must be at least 56" tall to read this essay"

I'm no Clarence Thomas, but the way I interpret the constitution and the intent of our founding fathers is that they were sort of hoping for different opinions and candidates and so forth…Not for us to scream like petulant children every time we heard an opinion we disagreed with or one of our candidates lost. Actually, wouldn't democracy work better if we actually listened to opposing viewpoints once and awhile? Isn't that the fun part? Or does this make me sound like a dirty peace loving hippie?

OK-Try to think of Democrats and Republicans as a rivalry* like Ohio State vs. Michigan. Each year there is a winner and a loser. There is an ebb and flow to the series. In the 90's Michigan owned the Bucks. Now Tressel owns Big Blue. I want Ohio State to win the game, but I don't hate Michigan fans or want their program to disappear. What fun would that be? Notice the word fun. Debate and Politics can be fun.

* I often consider my relationship with beer as a good healthy rivalry. Sometimes it has the upper hand, sometimes I have it.

Take the sensitivity quiz!

Are you too sensitive to hear other people's opinions? Take this quiz and find out.

Imagine you are at a coffee shop and overhear "Anyone who actually likes (insert your favorite politician/pun dent/sports team/rock band here_____) is a total idiot!" Do you:

A) Spill coffee on yourself and scream, "I'm an Idiot??? YOU ARE THE IDIOT!!"
B) Think to yourself, "That person is crazy" and go on with your day

OR If you see a comment on face book like, "Glen Beck's Restoring Honor Rally was the largest gathering of 40 year old virgins in United States History" do you,

A) Call off work and respond with a terse 4,000 word response.
B) Go to work and not really think about it at all.

If you answered B twice, you are cleared to skip ahead to the "Musings about the 2010 Election" portion of the essay.

However, If you answered A, then you have been corrupted by the 24 hour news cycle and have become over-sensitized. "What does that mean?" you say? It means you are too sensitive to other people's opinions. Or to put it more bluntly, you are a pussy.

Does this offend you too? Then the bad news is you really are a pussy. But the good news is I can flush all that political correctness out of you with this desensitizing training video.

Please only watch this if you answered A on the Quiz. I'm not going to lie; this isn't going to be easy. But remember, good things never come easy. And no kids please. As I said, you must be 56" tall to read this essay.

Watch this.

Ok- are you ready to read some political observations by one lonely citizen without getting bent out of shape? Let's do it.

Musings about Election 2010

I love Mary Jo Kilroy and I have a very specific reason why. I own a small business and the financial reform bill that passed in the last term is the best (and only) thing that congress has ever done for small business since I have been involved. She specifically added provisions to limit large banks and credit card companies from exploiting small businesses like Colin's Coffee. Thank You. Thank You. Thank You.

Of course, taking a stand for the little guy comes with a price: i.e. - you will probably get voted out of office the next election. "The Man" gets very unhappy when the underdog gets a bone.

It is always popular to say, "I support small business!", but if you didn't support the financial reform bill, then you are anti-small business so just go to McDonalds and get on with it. And if you disagree with this: A) you don't own a small business and/or B) don't know what you are talking about.

Steve Stivers seems like a decent fellow and people that I know, who know him, say he is a good guy. I don't know where he stands other than he is pro jobs, (in stark contrast to those anti-job bastards) he was in the military, his wife Karen loves him, and he has been running for office non stop for most of my adult life. I think he is due for a win.

I hope he has the courage to represent the little guy like Mary Jo did and I wish him the best of luck. Hopefully, he will stop in the coffee shop like Mary Jo to mix and mingle with the unwashed masses. He is always welcome.

John Kasich is the ultimate DC insider running as an outsider which I obviously find brilliant. I mean, the guy was chairman of a powerful congressional committee, worked on Fox news and then on Wall Street with no prior financial experience. Why would Wall Street hire a powerful ex congressman with no experience anyway? Hmmm.. Now he's just like one of us! John did come to a Watershed show at Ludlow's in the mid 90's so that does score some points in my book.

Ted Strickland seems to be liked by even the hard core conservatives I know, though they won't be voting for him. In office, he's done about as good of a job as humanly possible considering what he was handed, but that probably won't be enough. These days, being Governor of Ohio is like being the manager at the local Blockbuster. Tough Racket. Have fun running Blockbuster John. I hear people love to rent video tapes.

BTW-Jack Hanna would make a good Governor wouldn't he? I mean, it's hard to argue with Zoo experience.

Mike DeWine and Lee Fischer are both quality people who have served the public admirably over the last 200 years. I thought DeWine showed backbone during the Missouri Compromise while Fischer handled the Teapot Dome Scandal with efficiency. Still, I think it may be time for some fresh blood with Richard Corderay and Rob Portman.

Additionally, I get a kick out of the "Sportsmen for Portman" signs I see scattered about. It stretches the bounds of reality to imagine these "sportsmen" actually organized and went to the effort to make these signs. Especially, in rural Upper Arlington where hunting is such a part of everyday life.

More likely, someone on the Portsman campaign staff thought the rhyme was kind of nifty and went ahead and printed up the signs. If that is the case, than you sir, have my vote.

Speaking of campaign yard signs, it seems that where I live, in Upper Arlington, there is a long tradition of one side removing the signs from the other side. Though not vice-versa. I talked to a police officer during the last campaign cycle when we had our signs stolen three times and he was like "welcome to U.A.. that's just the way it has always been and I guess will be around here"

Certainly this would make our founding fathers proud.

Christine O' Donnell says "I'm You" which means she is me, which means I've gone crazy which means if I am you, there is no way I would vote for me. (assuming I am still you) Additionally, I wouldn't vote for me either so I think Christine, Karl Rove and myself are all in agreement on this one. To clarify, if I am indeed her, and she is you, do not vote for me. I would do a terrible job. Trust me. I would just blow off Senate votes and watch Cheap Trick videos on youtube all day.

And remember….Someone is always going to be President or Governor or Senator or Pope or the head coach of Ohio State ECT. ECT. . So please try not to get all bent out of shape if things don't go your way on Election Day. "You win some, you lose some" right? And for God sakes try not to take it personally. Be humble in victory and a good sport in defeat.

Jesus, I feel like I am lecturing my 7 year old son before a soccer game, but I guess that's about the level of political discourse in the USA these days.

And in closing, just to keep everything in perspective, I care much more deeply about the this clip than I ever will about policy or elections. Politicians come and go, but rock n roll lives on forever. My America lives here.

I have one vote and maybe you do to. Go cast it. And have a great day! U S A - A - O K